SUPERGIRL 2026
SUPERGIRL VS PEDOPHILES! FOR REAL!
At the end of Superman, Supergirl appeared for like a minute and was very entertaining. Making even a sigma chud like myself excited for this girl power flick. It’s bombing and after seeing it I think that’s a shame. I think it’s bombing because of Captain Marvel’s movies and the She Hulk TV show. No one trusts a female superhero movie to be good anymore. Was there ever a great one? I’ve written too many articles about predators so now it’s time for a movie review.
GUESS WHAT SUPERGIRL 2026 TURNED OUT TO BE ABOUT!
Anyway, we begin with a humble family on an alien world getting home invaded by brigands. That is the actual name of the gang. Krem is the leader of the brigands and he wants the father’s swords. He used to make the best swords, but he retired for some reason. Before Krem actually enters the home the mother gave the stupid advice that they should just give them whatever they want and they’ll leave peacefully. The father tells Krem the swords he wants are in the backyard shed and gives him the key. Krem orders that THE MOTHER take him to the swords. Ruthye, the daughter, is aware of this confrontation and stealthily watches without alerting Krem or her parents.
Ruthye’s oblivious brother, who is distracted by his headphone music, jumps to scare his sister. Krem assumes he’s getting ambushed by Chris Hansen and kills the brother. The father activates a device that launches a bomb at Krem’s ship which is parked on their front lawn. Krem’s ship explodes and Krem kills the parents. Bizarrely, Krem leaves without kidnapping Ruthye. We will learn later that he fucking loves kidnapping. So, it literally doesn’t make sense he didn’t kidnap Ruthye. The whole asking her mom to take him to the swords was possibly him making kidnapping the mom quicker. Whatever. Unkidnapped Ruthye buries her family and has the sword Krem was after. Somehow. Did I miss something?
Anyway, Supergirl is celebrating her birthday month by partying on red sun planets. Red sun makes her weaker. This is not happy partying because, unlike Superman, she wasn’t a baby when she lost everything. This is almost Harry Dubois partying. Ruthye walks into the bar and tries to enlist anyone to help her kill Krem. Two aliens try to take the special sword from Ruthye. Supergirl dissuades one of them with a slap. The stronger one she actually fights after nagging him. Can’t spell Supergirl without girl.
Ruthye tries to enlist Supergirl, but Supergirl doesn’t want to help a little girl with her bloody revenge quest. While Ruthye is annoying Supergirl, Krem and his crew begin stealing Supergirl’s ship. Krypto tries to stop them and Krem shoots him with a poison dart. Krem flies off…even though two kidnappable females were running towards him. Ok. Before you say it’s because she’s Supergirl, he doesn’t know that. The bar owners use non kryptonite poison on Supergirl, under Krem’s orders, later. He uses kryptonite in the FINAL fight.
Ruthye and Supergirl go to an alien doctor. Krypto has 3 days and only Krem has the cure. Supergirl still refuses to bring Ruthye along, but she comes anyway. Then a scene that belongs in Citizen Vigilante happens. Aryan Supergirl gets on space public transportation, she is disgusted by the aliens that don’t speak English, one is smoking his bong loudly, Ruthye is assaulted by another one of them, and thieves board the bus. CINEMA. Also, the bus driver is a goblin played by Seth Rogen. He tells Supergirl getting robbed by pirates makes space cool.
Our first James Gunn pop song fight is Supergirl vs the all female pirate crew. There are three of these despite James Gunn not being the writer or director. This fight leads to Supergirl getting teleported to the airlock. Supergirl learns there’s a yellow sun, yellow sun good, nearby and tries to stealthily put a space suit on to space swim towards it. The pirate leader notices her putting it on and ejects her before she can get the helmet on. Supergirl almost dies in space before getting bathed by the rising yellow sun.
Powered up Supergirl defeats the pirates and saves the space bus. Supergirl interrogates the female pirates about Krem. He is super strong and comes from a race that is all male. So, kidnapping females of other races is their whole thing. Did I mention Krem doesn’t speak English well? Again, very Citizen Vigilante. I’m confused as to why these female pirates aren’t part of the brigands’ harem, but they tell Supergirl which planet Krem frequents. Oh, wait. They’re too old.
Supergirl and Ruthye go to planet pederast. They enter a bar the brigands frequent hoping to get information about Krem and an alien immediately wants to trade info for Ruthye. He literally says 13 year old Ruthye is worth a lot because she’s so young. Supergirl says they should arm wrestle instead. A bigger pedophile alien steals the opportunity to arm wrestle Supergirl. Supergirl breaks his arm and every other patron leaps to his defense because that is their culture. Supergirl defeats them.
Then Supergirl or Ruthye says something about brigands and that triggers Lobo. Yes, Lobo was sitting in the corner of this bar. Lobo is basically DC’s Venom. In the sense he’s a monstrous villain, but he’s so funny sometimes, get over the murders. I remember in DC’s 52 he ripped off Starfire’s top 5 seconds into her asking for help. Don’t worry. She’s an adult in that comic. Anyway, Lobo’s interested in capturing one of Krem’s mohawk’d henchmen for a large bounty. Supergirl explains to Ruthye who Lobo is. She doesn’t want Ruthye to get hurt. Obviously, since Supergirl is in space a lot she would have heard of Lobo.
Interestingly, Supergirl is afraid of Lobo. Lobo interrogates the bar owners about the brigands. He thinks they know something (he’s right). Ruthye tries to enlist Lobo which makes Supergirl jump between them and act like a dumb drunk slut in an attempt to not provoke Lobo. Hang on. I was told this was a woke girl power movie. Shouldn’t our noble heroine kicked this toxic male power fantasy in the balls? Lobo leaves annoyed.
I’ll say this now, there’s nothing to complain about with Lobo. They knocked it out of the park with him. He’s hilarious. Fuck Aquaman. I do have a sneaking suspicion Krem and Lobo were the same character in the first draft. Then someone said: “Hey retard, we want to make a Lobo movie someday. Don’t make him a nonce. What the fuck would the tagline be? LOBO: THE COOLEST PEDOPHILE IN SPACE. Make another bad guy and call him Krimpy or something. Bitch.”
The bar owners are SEEMINGLY grateful to Supergirl so our duo get a place to stay. They poison Supergirl because Krem has their daughter. The deal is they can trade Supergirl and Ruthye for their daughter. Poisoned Supergirl fights Krem and his brigands. Lobo also fights them, but only cares about catching the mohawk guy. He RECKLESSLY knocks a bunch of their slaves free. This is the second Gunn pop song fight scene. I feel it doesn’t work this time because their fighting the brigands while some of the brigands are grabbing ESCAPING SEX SLAVES. Also, Krem is going to kill the bar owners daughter because he believes they didn’t try to capture Supergirl hard enough. “She doesn’t look poisoned”. The father did sabotage the poison attempt a little bit. However, the poison they used was not kryptonite. I think Krem doesn’t know he needs that yet. It’s unclear to me when/how he figures that out.
Supergirl almost captures Krem, but Ruthye gets in the way. Then Krem kills the bar owners and their daughter. Why did they try to live a normal life in Krem’s hood? Are they stupid? Excuse me. Were they stupid? Krem escapes. Supergirl once again lectures Ruthye about how revenge damages you. Supergirl pursues Krem to a new planet, unaware Ruthye has stowed away again. This planet has a yellow and GREEN sun. The green sun starts shinemaxxing so she starts to livefail. Ruthye drags her to a cave and then goes to confront Krem alone.
We get more insight to Supergirl’s upbringing. Her father saved a chunk of Krypton with a forcefield. She was born and raised on this tiny version of Krypton. Then one day the kryptonite started poisoning everyone. Her mother died from it. So, her father built a spaceship for her and sent her to Earth. She hates Metropolis because it’s a big noisy city filled with crime. Instead of a small close knit community that survived a tragedy.
Ruthye gets captured. Krem gives her the option to rat out Supergirl and she spits in his face. At this point I noticed Krem is eating in 90% of his scenes. He eats Ruthye’s mother’s pie. He eats Supergirl’s cheerios. He drinks the bar owner’s milk. Finally, eats Ruthye’s prison food that looks like maggots. Can’t kidnap on an empty stomach.
Krem says he’ll kill her later if she doesn’t snitch. Lobo is in the cell next to Ruthye. Yeah, I think I blinked and missed how they captured LOBO THE GUY SUPERGIRL IS AFRAID OF. Ruthye tries to appeal to Lobo’s humanity lol. Ruthye pretends to give up and a jailer comes to bring her to Krem. She brutally ambushes the jailer, winning Lobo over. 80% chance she killed the jailer. She frees Lobo then sneaks away to get her sword back. Ruthye is immediately tied up by Krem again. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN, CHILD?
The green sun sets, the yellow sun rises, and so does Supergirl! She then saves the day-oh no. Krem made kryptonite darts. She’s at Krem’s mercy and he just gonna kill her despite being the guy who wants sex slaves. Does Ruthye save-ha ha ha. No I won’t finish that sentence. Lobo, the true hero of this tale, shows up and starts frakking their slaver exhaust pipes. He grabs Krem, WHO CAN’T DO SHIT TO LOBO CAN’T DO SHIT, and drops him so Ruthye has a chance to kill him.
Lobo bombs the ship and fucks off forcing Supergirl to save the sex slaves in the cargo hold. Lobo’s goodbye to Supergirl is: “SEEYA, TITS!”. Flawless. Ruthye is confronted by Krem. Third Gunn pop song fight scene. Fuck off with this. Supergirl wins and convinces Ruthye not to kill Krem because kids shouldn’t kill. No one tell her about the jailer. Then Supergirl kills Krem and takes the cure for the poison. The Krypto poison. That poisoned Krypto. Krypto’s poison.
Krypto is cured and the girls, super and the other one, are friends. Supergirl returns to Earth and tells Superman she is going to be more serious about protecting her new home. She won’t run from her problems. She will face them and maybe get captured like Ruthye a bunch. And she’s going to start with the UK because there’s a Krem on every street.
Where did this movie “fail”? Ruthye’s little girl voice is annoying until you get used to it. More Lobo would be good. I guess that might mess up the movie though. Supergirl is all fucked up because her planet got blown up. Lobo blew up his own planet FOR FUN. HE would make a better antagonist for Supergirl, but then we wouldn’t get more Lobo.
Also, all the doctors in this movie were women. Was Krypto even sick?
Krem is not a great villain. I mean, I wanted his head ripped off the first time Supergirl said revenge is bad. Let’s see, he likes other people’s food, kidnapping, swords, poison, and darts. Maybe he should’ve been called The Dartmaster or The Roofier.
Credit where credit is due, In Superman Lex Luthor’s kryptonite gambit was have Metamorpho, a guy who hates Lex, make kryptonite in the same room as Superman. Solid plan, baldy. Krem had the eureka moment of “SHOOT THE SUPERPERSON WITH THE KRYPTONITE”. So, aside from being smarter than Lex Luthor, Krem comes across as an animal that can barely speak. He doesn’t really have quotable lines.
I think the message of this movie was “Kill foreign human traffickers so little kids don’t have to” and that’s odd because the protagonist is Supergirl.