CHUCK DIXON'S ALPHACORE #1
Can he save Eric July's OCs?
ISOM 1 & 2 are garbage. However, they are written by Eric July, an illiterate, and had no editor. Alphacore are super cops that had cameo appearances in ISOM 1 and 2. Their spinoff adventure is written by Chuck Dixon. The creator of Bane. Still no editor. Risky. Could this be one of those times where the spinoff kicks the shit out of the original? Let’s find out.
The cover leads one to believe our heroes will tangle with an average homosexual couple. Our story begins with bomb vested bank robber holding a woman hostage right outside the bank’s front door. An army of cops is there, but they don’t want to hurt the woman. Simps. Luckily for the bank thot, the star of the Alphacore trio swoops in.
In one panel we learn that Bryan Solari can fly, is strong, and pretty durable. Not quite Superman. Closer to Homelander in terms of power. This was accomplished in one panel with mostly visuals. “This cape wasn’t free,” also lets us know he worries about money like a normal person. The art is drawn and not 3D SketchUp models. By page three this spinoff book has put ISOM to shame. Solari throws the bomb vest into the sky and the robber into a nearby pool. It explodes without hurting anyone. If ISOM was the protagonist he would’ve thrown both the robber and the bomb into an orphanage that disrespected him. One thing to note, the robber did not expect the bomb to go off. Foreshadowing he is a unwitting pawn of a larger antagonist.
Solari then hands the robber to the police. Practically gift wrapped. They are less than grateful. Specifically, officer Flynn, doesn’t appreciate Alphacore stepping in when the bad guy doesn’t have superpowers. Sub-textually, it is because Solari is white and this is alternate America is still woke.
Solari leaves, rightfully pissed, and Flynn threatens to ‘write him up’. This exchange lets us know that supes (Alphacore) work alongside the police officially. Solari isn’t that happy with the arrangement.
We are then introduced to Michael and Lillian. You may recall them as the couple from ISOM 1. They had a pointless conversation in Club Merq before ISOM wrecked the place. Hurting many club goers but not them. Turns out they’re a big deal supervillain duo.
Lillian gives Michael shit for the failed bank robbery. Michael is responsible for the bank robber’s bomb going off. It wasn’t a robbery. It was supposed to destroy the bank. Erasing evidence that Michael wanted gone. The bank robber was, unknowingly, supposed to be a suicide bomber for the benefit of Michael’s criminal enterprises. Michael then implies he wants to take out Alphacore. Villains established. Quite clearly. It really isn’t hard, Eric.
Solari returns to Alphacore’s headquarters the not SHIELD helicarrier. Solari talks to his co worker Ray. Ray suggests they call the helicarrier the “Aerie” for legal reasons. I bet my big toe Eric calls it something else in ISOM 3. Solari enters a command center and finds two women giving him shit for saving the day. Typical. One of them is Valdez. The woman of the Alphacore trio. Yaira beat her up in ISOM 1 and Solari had to catch her. Still gives him shit. Valdez is concerned with public opinion. On TV a professional libtard is soying out in regards to Solari saving the day.
Valdez is worried Solari’s ego will fuel the libtards and get the Alphacore program canceled. The chad Solari wants to ignore it. They argue. Solari points out Valdez once had them to a car wash event and she signed autographs. Valdez counters with the fact Solari insisted his outfit have a cape. Wow. Solari has had a cape for some fucking reason. Despite Alphacore being cops. The only member of Alphacore to have one. Now Chuck has made it because of narcissism. I like this. Of course not-Superman wants to flaunt his power. Ray breaks up the argument.
Cops try to arrest a white trash woman at a shitty motel. Unfortunately, her man is a supervillain. Galvan. He’s the guy who has his ass in that rock monster’s crotch on the cover. He looks like meth’d out Doc Brown. The cops call Alphacore for help.
Braxwell, the mute retarded member of the Alphacore trio, takes Galvan out with a dropkick then water. A cop thanks Braxwell, but Braxwell doesn’t bother to shake his hand. Leaves him hanging and flies away. Autism? Poop on his hands? future villain?
We cut to the police station where Cecil, the almost suicide bomber, is being interrogated by the police. The police station is known as police square one and is nicknamed the ‘barn’. Because Texas. Cecil wants to take the blame for the bomb, but the detectives (Callie and Davies) know he isn’t smart enough to make it. Then Michael’s lawyer, Ridley Vanessen, the TV cuck from earlier, walks in. Obviously, Cecil has to take the blame if he wants Michael’s lawyer to defend him.
We cut to Solari getting chewed out by the chief of police. For saving the day without being asked. Fucking liberals. The chief also mentions Solari is a war hero. Explains why he gets away with bending the rules. Or at least why he thinks he deserves to. Goodyng in ISOM 2 said he won the war.
Back to Cecil and Ridley. Ridley has instructed Cecil to say nothing to the cops. Then Ridley goes to his other client, Galvan.
Michael is on a boat having dinner with a blonde sloot. Lillian interrupts because she doesn’t think he is cleaning up his bank mess.
Back to the station, Galvan tricks a cop into giving him enough electricity to reactivate his powers. The cop even mentions that they are aware Gavlan needs to recharge using electronic devices. He asks for a light for his cigarette in order to bring the cop close enough to grab the cop’s radio. Gavlan licks the radio to get an electric charge as he restrains the cop. A female cop makes it worse by shooting Gavlan with a TASER instead of her gun. Normally, female cops make that mistake but the opposite. She hits Gavlan and her cop buddy with the taser. This book hates women and I am here for it. With his power restored, Gavlan shocks the cops into unconsciousness. Then fries Cecil. The detectives find it odd he spared the cops and murdered Cecil.
Solari and Valdez join the scene. A forensic guy finds that Ridley signed in earlier to visit Cecil and Gavlan. Solari and Valdez insist the detectives let them help investigate this. Valdez and Callie butt heads. Solari reminds them they’re both pretty. Ultimately, this is a problem Alphacore is supposed to deal with so they get to tag along. They divide up the work. The detectives will waterboard the lawyer, Solari will take a look at the bank and Valdez will track down Gavlan. You may recall the pointless Alphacore scene from ISOM 2. It had nonsensical, half-baked dialogue that seemed to state Valdez is a great investigator. It is consistent to have her be the one to track down the bad guy. Which means, Chuck Dixon is the only person who both knows Eric and read ISOM. Kudos.
The detectives drive off and Solari flies away. Valdez gets a ride from a simp because she can’t fly or drive. His name is Wilkins.
Lillian busts Michael’s balls again. It is stupid to have your lawyer talk to a hitman and his victim in the same day. Michael confidently asserts another bad guy he hired will cut all loose ends. Said bad guy, Billy Bob Quinn, gets woken up by his mother using a fire extinguisher. They are white trash. Eric decided Texas was the heart of his universe and Chuck has decided to use that. No cowboy hats though. I feel like there should be a villain that’s a big frog in a cowboy hat.
We cut back to Lillian telling Michael to call him off. That she’ll take care of it and demonstrates her purple powers. A fat guy in purple walks into the bank, hypnotizes the bank manager, and walks out with the evidence Michael wanted destroyed. Leaving behind an envelope. I spoke too soon. He puts on a cowboy hat as he leaves. Solari is there, unaware he is minutes too late. Billy Bob Quinn has also just walked in.
Valdez and Wilkins are talking as they close in on Gavlan. Valdez is offended that Wilkins implies she is anything like a superhero. A freak.
They go to an apartment Gavlan is probably hiding out at. Wilkins opens the locked door with his magic except finger and Gavlan is indeed there. After they walk into the apartment Valdez realizes Wilkins is an except. Gavlan zaps Wilkins and Valdez.
We cut back to the bank, Billy Bob Quinn transforms into a lava rock monster and Solari leaps into action. Somehow Billy Bob’s overalls survive. Show us the inbred montser dick you cowards.
We cut back to Valdez vs Gavlan. She trips him with her whips. We cut back to Solari and Billy, Solari uses a wooden table as shield and club. Against the fire villain. It shouldn’t work but it does. Although, I guess he does ultimately lose the fight.
An injured Wilkins shoots at Gavlan giving Valdez an opening. During the Gavlan fight they read him his miranda rights as they kick his ass. That is lame.
Billy Bob’s fire breath overwhelms Solari. Billy Bob enters the vault to get what was already taken by the purple fat guy. The bank manager closes the vault with Billy Bob in it. The vault’s security removes all oxygen and Billy Bob is defeated. Solari complements the bank manager. I find it odd that out of the trio, Solari is the one that lost his fight. Also, that a civilian saved the day.
Valdez apologizes to Wilkins. A woman apologizing? That’s the most unrealistic thing in this super Texas cop comic. Wilkins insecurely explains he is an except with minor magnetic powers. Valdez encourages him to level up.
Back at the bank, firefighters hose down Billy Bob just as he wakes up. Solari and the bank manager go over the security camera footage. Solari rips open the deposit box Billy Bob was after and finds an envelope.
Ridley finishes another TV interview where he shits on super cops. Probably was promoting being gay or whatever too. The detectives confront him. Ridley dodges them by going into the bathroom. The fat purple man is there and makes Ridley kill himself. The fat purple man passes the detectives as he leaves. The detectives discover the dead Ridley immediately after.
Solari presents the USB stick that was in the decoy envelope to the rest of Alphacore. Valdez picks on him for wearing shades indoors and he reveals Billy Bob burned off his eyebrows. Again, he’s vain.
The detectives find footage of both of the fat purple man’s crimes.
Solari wants tech girl Sandy to access the USB. Sandy is worried it has viruses. Valdez chastises Solari for not going through the proper channels and literally filling out a form first. Like I said this comic is super cops.
The detectives call for superpowered backup to deal with FPM.
Michael walks in on Lillian getting massaged by a giant Black guy. Things are all good between them now as Lillian explains to Michael how she tied up the loose ends. With the FPM. As Lillian exits with her masseuse, a giant blonde woman enters to be Michael’s masseuse. Are they excepts? They both have superhuman anatomy. Except prostitutes are now canon. Heroes for hire like Luke Cage. It is odd Lillian is saying all their crimes in front of the hookers/masseuses. She can brainwash people though, so, whatever. The important part is that in the Rippaverse the villains COOM. This is the first time sex has come up at all.
Braxwell meets up with the detectives. He confronts the fat purple man. The FPM’s powers don’t work and Braxwell gags him. Braxwell’s special needs helmet is blasting music so he can’t hear the purple. He is listening to Tupac. Jada Plinkett Smith’s true love. A man who’s last words were to a police officer, asking him who shot him. Tupac’s last words were “Fuck the police,”.
Unfortunately, FPM has two excepts with him.
Back on the Aerie, Solari inserts the USB drive into the command center computer without consent. A villainous virus takes over and makes things go haywire. Solari immediately gets shit for this. As he should, but ISOM wouldn’t. Sandy is literally shocked and the Aerie starts to crash. It also puts the stupidest fucking “hacked” logo I have ever seen in fiction.
As the Aerie crashes we cut to Lillian and cut to Braxwell. Lillian is going to a club while also watching the crash. Braxwell sees the trouble Alphacore is in and flies to assist. Oh, he defeated the two excepts off camera. It was really badass I’m sure. Valdez figures out the Aerie is on a crash course with police square one. That’s right. The villain’s plan is cop 9/11. Travelling by car would be illegal for a month to account for all the funeral processions. That would be the real tragedy.
Solari tries to stop the Aerie from falling by flying into it. Braxwell saves civilians from the debris. Lillian and Michael laugh at all the destruction. The cops flee from police square one. Except for Wilkins. Solari begs the crew to abandon ship before it is too late. As all seems lost. Then Wilkins pushes his powers passed their limits. He stops the crash. At the cost of his life.
Lillian and Michael are about to jump on a jet to go on vacation. To lick their ego wounds. The Alphacore trio confronts them on the runway. They have no smoking gun so they can’t arrest them. Valdez destroys one of their jet’s engines with her whip. The trio leaves with Solari pointing out Valdez will get in trouble for that.
Overall, a decent book. Super cops has a lot of potential. It’s like the opposite of The Boys. It being TEXAS is odd at times. I am confused about Lillian. Until Braxwell arrested the fat purple man I thought FPM was her disguise. I do not know what Lillian’s powers are. Michael’s eyes also flash green like in ISOM 1 but he doesn’t appear to do anything.
There is a missed opportunity. Can you guess what it is?
Main Cast:
Bryan Solari: Vain war hero who doesn’t like the rules.
Ingrid Valdez: Girl scout until she loses her (short) temper.
Braxwell: Mute that appears to enjoy hurting villains.
Missing something? What is the most interesting part of cop fiction? Dirty cops. Why isn’t there a walking piece of shit with superpowers and a badge? Is the mute going to do a heel turn? Alphacore #2 should introduce the bad cop to the team.
Imagine Roy Earle has laser eyes or some shit. He looks the other way when supervillains pay him. Or frames a different villain for the crime.
“What? You think something is off here? A bad guy is behind bars. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Valdez. Better for your health. Less paranoia, less stress, less wrinkles,”.
Also, none of the trio explain why they became a cop. There are no origins in this issue #1. I bet Eric wants to save them for a special occasion. Considering how retarded ISOM’s reason for retiring was, Chuck should come up with the origins.
In conclusion: Chuck Dixon is still a good writer and I hope he gets a raise. Alphacore #1 is like a 6/10. For comparison ISOM 2 was a -2/10. I hope Eric lets him cook. Great art is usually made in spite of restrictions. Whatever retarded rules Eric comes up with I’m sure Chuck will spin it into something good.